1 Week

I'm headed back to Ithaca in a week.

It's a bittersweet feeling. Professionally I've made leaps and bounds this summer. Personally, I may have regressed a little.

I think I have a tendency to trust and forgive too easily. I hate the feeling of negativity, so instead of getting wrapped up in anger and hurt, I usually put myself in the other person's shoes. And because I think people have a natural (and sometimes healthy) tendency for greed and selfishness (some might call it survival), I usually can empathize with so-and-so who hurt me and move on. This works initially, but after some time, I think I just start to feel lonely and rejected. This has become a re-occurring pattern for me.

Perhaps related, I'm starting to feel the need to stay in one place. I'm thrilled to be going back to Ithaca, because I know that I will have wonderful friends waiting their for me and some close life-long friends will be nearby in the Baltimore area. But my gosh, I feel like I'm always coming and going.

This year will certainly be an adventure. I'll be leading the Society for Asian American Grad Affairs, taking Japanese and an Asian Studies course for my fellowship, writing a thesis or exit project, and trying to learn as much about real estate and city planning as my brain will allow me.

I also hope to spend lots of time with my roommate in our beautiful 1860s home.

In the next year, I hope to go to Japan and visit my brother for the first time in a year and a half. I'd also really like to go to Italy after I graduate if my funds hold up and I have a job waiting for me.

But beyond that, it seems like my last year before I can start my adult life. I've been living out of a suitcase for 5 years now, making wonderful friends but always leaving them. The closest people in my life are hundreds of thousands of miles away from me during most times of the year, and on top of that, I lack a hometown. I no longer connect to Newark, DE, I never lived in Auckland NZ, but I still feel the need to "prove" myself in Honolulu.